Started to pay

Pay day today.  Most of my wages cleared out my bank.  Left just enough to get buy on. With a huge amount owed it feels like a drop in the ocean.  No further gambles and no urges so far.  Have also closed all my accounts to date.  Even if I wanted to today I would have to jump through some hoops just to upload some money.   Its going to be a long journey but watching the balance go down will ease the ill feeling I get paying out what I work hard for.

On a brighter note, work today actually went OK. Discovered today I am due a small pay rise in Septemeber.  Only works out about £40 per month but adding that over another three years adds another £1500 to the payments.  :)

I am thinking about trying to figure out this blogging some more, to see if the options to give for free or sell for a small profit, e books on stopping gambling could be a winner. If I can source something decent and read it first I wonder if I could get resell rights.  Its investigation time.  Maybe one-day I could write one myself but for now its early days on my journey.

pay day tomorrow

Well another day without a spin. What can I say. For me that's a record in the last few years.  Going to treat myself to fish and chips tonight. Photos may follow depending on the quality of the fish. Pay day tomorrow. Wages out to the creditors. First payment of many. 3 year plan on paper. The longest journey starts with a single step.  Now thinking about cutting my line of credit.  Going to ask if my limits can come down as my balances fall.

debt advice

Today I spoke to a lovely lady at a debt advice centre. She advised me on various options.  What to do what to do ??? Looks like I am going to have to keep up my payments for the next few months anyway. Then I shall reconsider. I believe I spent it I should pay it. Handy to know options exsist though.  Feeling better now. Day 2 going well.  Broke but breathing.

Day 2

Woke up feeling quite anxious and low.  Did not have great nights sleep. Guess money worries are at the top of my mind. Back to work today. Need to sit and plan and budget later tonight. Goal set for today.

<a href="http://www.hypersmash.com">www.Hypersmash.com</a>

Bed Time

Made it through the 1st day of the rest of my life.  Although everything is messed it. One day is the first of many. One day at a time. I look forward now to the first month. Goals are set, determination has kicked in. Although this blog is in its infancy and I have no experience with blogging. I feel getting out there will be the life saver I have been needing. This and some talking therapy will set me on the road to recovery.

Emails done and dusted

All emails sent to respective companies. I await replies.  All accounts should be closed soon enough. Feels like a weight lifted already.

I found this online earlier today.  I am in the process of now filling it out and sending it to my various online account providers in the hope that they will now close my accounts or suspend them from further use.  I have send 3 so far with another 3 to be sent.  Awaiting replies but seeing as its a Sunday they may chose to ignore it until the Monday.  I am curious to see if any after care if offered.

Dear Sir or Madam 

I am classified as a 'Vulnerable player', therefore, in line with your Responsible Gambling Policy can you honour my request for indefinite self-exclusion (or a minimum of five years) to ensure I am never able to gamble using your gambling software or any other related gambling software connected to your network. 

If you are only able to honour a five year self-exclusion, please email me at the end of the fourth year so that I am able to renew my self-exclusion for an additional five years. 

Please also ensure I am opted out of all email promotions from your company or third party companies with immediate effect. 

Finally please ensure you confirm that the aforementioned requests will be adhered to within 7 days of having received this email, detailing exactly the steps you will take to protect me. 

My personal details are as follows: 

Name:
DOB:
Address:
Email Address: 

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding in this matter. 

Kind regards

Day 1 (28/7/13)

First day of being an ex gambler. Feels weird to say it, but I am seeing today as the first day of the rest of my life.  I have planned to put £800 a month of my salary into debts leaving just enough to get by on and no more for that month. in 36 months that's nearly 29k.  It makes me ill at the thought of what that kind of money could have bought.  However in 3 years time my life will look so much brighter, and still all before I am 40.  The urge to gamble isn`t even there today for which I am glad.  I am hoping my blog will be a lifeline.  Even if nobody ever reads it, the thought of it being out there is enough for me not to let anyone down, including my friends and family whom now are aware of my problems. I have only told so much, but within the next few weeks plan to tell the full story.  I feel down enough and worry I may slip into a depression.  I will not let this beat me.  Through time I will tell of my tales, and countless hours spinning the fruits and how I now fear not just for myself but the countless others who are afflicted by this terrible curse.  

Hello

This is my venture into the world of blogging. All the wrong reasons have brought me here.  Firstly a bit about me;  I am a 33 year old male, professionally qualified in mental health health care and was born and lived in the United Kingdom all my life. I have a modest wage, live with my mother now, and remain engaged to a beautiful woman, whom I am in now in no position now to marry.  Up until 4 years ago my life was pretty ordinary but good, until one fateful day I discovered the "joys" of online gambling on the slots.  4 years on brings me to where I am now.  Throughout the course of a few months, starting off with small bets I eventually found myself winning more and more to the point I had a substantial sum in my bank account. As time drew on and a few years passed I have found myself in financial peril to the sum of about £30,000 through reckless gambling and chasing loses.

These events have brought me to a place in my life when I decided ENOUGH is ENOUGH, albeit a little late for that, though I guess we have to stop sometime.  My last big gamble was while back and I lost a significant amount however I continued to play on for smaller stupid amounts until the lights turned back on in my brain.  Sick to the stomach and just fed up, I retreated to bed and had a long hard think why I was doing this.  It was never about the money. It was just an outright addiction and adrenaline rush and if I had to win 50k, would I have kept going and going until I lost the lot.  The answer was yes.  I needed help, I needed to stop and when I woke up today I was stopping no matter how hard.  The relationship was over and it was time to set up payment plans, work out how I could survive financially, literally speaking it was time to 'pay the piper'.

Today I set up this blog as day 1 of the first day of my new life. I am going to keep it as an online diary into the venture of a new life as a non gambler, highlighting every day the thoughts, feelings and anything else that falls into my psyche. Everyday instead of playing slots I shall find myself blogging about another day of being gamble free.

I hope people will read this blog and share the journey with me. With people behind me and giving support I hope together we can all stay clear of this curse that not only wrecks bank accounts but wrecks lives to.